DATELINE: HUMOR!

An epidemic is hitting professional athletes who oppose any Boston team.

Someone in Beantown has a little voodoo doll with pins going into one place only: the enemies of the Red Sox, the Celtics, and the Patriots are going down at the knees

Like a bad cold, it is contagious. The injury bug is spreading faster than you can say Larry Bird Flu. It’s worse than swine flu on steroids

Those who like to take pleasure in the pain of others can find Youtube videos galore of the best and worst players going down for the count. Yes, those you love to hate in Boston have met their bittersweet and unjust desserts.

Let us start the roll call.  The Knicks lost Jeremy Lin and, albeit not from a knee injury, Amar’e Stoudemire. In Stoudemire’s case, his injury occurred at everyone else’s knee level. It appears to be a case of terminal stupidity.

Now we found the shocking injury to Derrick Rose simply freakish, going down in garbage time.

Then, Terrell Suggs—the perennial nemesis to Tom Brady—collapsed in a pickup basketball game, to the strains of a torn ACL. He was not to be outdone by Mariano Rivera, Yankee closer, who was catching a fungo when his knee tore up during a jog.

Never have so many players who bedeviled Boston teams seen so much pain in a burst of torn ACLs and sundry back ailments.

Let’s not forget Dwight Howard’s rapid decline—or the sudden agony of Josh Smith of the Atlanta Hawks.  Can it be witchcraft? black magic?

Boston’s players have not been completely immune: we cannot ignore the back of Kevin Youkilis or the bone spurs of Ray Allen.

Short of declaring a pandemic, we must face the situation. It is not a curse. It is not voodoo. We now believe it is a new version of the Andromeda Strain, a virus brought by space aliens to ruin the best players of the human race.