Tag Archives: Mitt Romney

Texts from Mitt

It's official.  The Battle Royale known as the 2012 US Presidential Election will pit the titleholder, Barack Obama, against the challenger, Mitt Romney.  But that presents a problem for Mitt.  He won the primary by being the least bad choice and through blatant pandering to the base.  That probably won't work for the general.  The fact of the matter is, Mitt is looking for ideas and he's looking for them anywhere.  So, why not turn to Obama's last real challenger:
image via textsfromhillaryclinton.tumblr.com
That's not a terrible idea.  Kind of unfortunate for a Mormon, though.  Hold on a second.  I know!  Maybe man's best friend can help out:
image via textfromdog.tumblr.com
Uh, nope, not so much. Wait a minute.  I've got it!  Since Florida is important and the Republicans aren't doing so hot with the Latino vote, why not kill two birds with...
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Moonbases and Porn and Franchises, Oh My!

As electoral campaigns get rolling and as the candidates feel a need to distinguish themselves, the quotes become more and more interesting.  Sure, there is the obvious craziness of Newt Gingrich and his moonbases but that's just a drop in the bucket.  You expect that sort of thing from a bipolar former Speaker of the House. But what about Rick Santorum's pledge to ban pornography in the United States?  Number one, anyone who feels this strongly about so many "vices" must have a real problem.  Has he even heard of Mark Foley or Ted Haggard?  Number two, the states that most support Santorum, the so-called "Red States" who revel in their religiosity, also happen to be the largest consumers of porn.  Are you really going to tell me that they'll let Mr. Santorum take away their dirty little secret? Finally, how would you even go about doing away with porn?...
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Judge Lest Ye Be Judged

Zombie Jesus Sad news: only one more day until the world ends, dear readers. Indeed, it's days like today when I really wish the Mayans knew what the hell they were talkin' about.

Instead, we all wait in weary anticipation of a 2,000 year old Jewish zombie (they call him "The Jesus") so he can come down from the skies and act as Judgey McJudges-a-lot.

Ordinarily, I ain't much of a judgmental person. I let folks be as they be, even if they're crazy. But if The Jesus -- a supposed paragon of virtue -- is gonna come down and act a judgin' fool, then I'd like to get in on that action too, just for today.

So here ya go. Let the judging begin!

Yankees fans, I'm judging you. ...

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Flying Too Close to the Sun

icarus.jpgConfidence is a good thing.

But, too much confidence can be deadly.

To Red Sox Nation, who declared the season over before it even started, this message couldn't be more true.

Or how about Charlie Sheen and his self-destructing, bridge-burning rampage against all-things reasonable?  Couldn't he have boned some pornstar chicks AND STILL gotten to work on time?

And to the US American electorate who expected the Obama administration to clap its hands and make 8 years of mess magically disappear, do you not understand that these things take time?  That a Mitt Romney or Michelle Bachmann led fascist regime is not the answer?  That political infrastructures aren't as simple as iPhone apps or ordering chicken fried rice from your local Chinese joint?

Confidence is a good thing.

But, too...

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